Self-acceptance
When life is too much that sometimes I couldn't handle it , I tend to find myself questioning about my worth as a person. There will be tons of questions that I'll keep asking myself and not having any answers for all of my questions will make it so hard for me to believe in me , myself and I.
Honestly , when I am at my lowest point of my life , when I hit the rock bottom , I will hate myself even more because I fell. I'll keep repeating the phrase i hate myself because I'm falling again and again.
I'm a strong women , indeed. Every women is. But when I faced one challenge after another , I'll feel very fatigue. It's so hard for me to look at the bright side . It's so hard for me to put things into perspectives. It's so hard for me to be positive. Sometimes , I feel unfair that why do I need to feel like this? Astaghfirullah , forgive me , o Allah.
There's also a time where my bad thoughts creeping in my mind when it comes to late night , I'll be having lots of questions that I'm going to ask myself. I'll be lying down at the corner of my bed , crying alone , searching for the answers.
Why do I even exist? How can I stop blaming myself for all those past mistakes that I did? How do I find peace within myself to move forward and keep living my life? How can I fix things right before I totally lose myself again? Why do I feel those people hate me? Did they truly loved and cherished me? Am I good enough for myself , for them? -- all these questions without answers or sometimes I answered all these on my own really make me feel bad about myself , about everything.
Can you imagine how can I answer all these even when I don't really know the exact answers? Pathetic me , I'm the one that created all these questions and let it haunt me , till the end. *cries
But I forget ,
I'm a human and this is worldly life. I'm the one who going to decorate how my life is. I need to remember that I'm human and I make mistakes. I need to remember that I'm human and I'm allowed to have feelings. I need to remember that I'm human and it's okay to hit the rock bottom , to be at the lowest point of life , to fall again and again. I need to remember that I'm human and if I keep questioning myself with questions that have no answers , I'll never be happy. I need to remember that I'm human and I'm also needed in this world , to make the world a better place to stay. I need to remember that I'm human and I couldn't control everything in my life. I need to remember that I'm human and I need to work hard to make myself happy despite of whatever nuisances that happened in my life. I need to remember that I'm human and I need to accept myself just the way I am. I need to remember that I'm human and I need to love myself and all of my flaws. Regardless of the emptiness and loneliness that I constantly feel , I need to remember that Allah had created me the very best one also Allah already sent me perfect people to just accept , love and cherish me just the way I am. I just need to work on a better me and a better life of mine.
And I know this is part of growing up. As I discover myself every single day , at the end of the day . I know I'll find myself again. I know I'll find my missing pieces again. Just some more bumps along this road that they called life.
Hence , I know why that I need to accept and love myself because who's going to do that if not me myself? Besides , how can I expect people to love me when I couldn't love myself , right?
You're precious , remember that. Don't let other people tell that you're not.
Honestly , when I am at my lowest point of my life , when I hit the rock bottom , I will hate myself even more because I fell. I'll keep repeating the phrase i hate myself because I'm falling again and again.
I'm a strong women , indeed. Every women is. But when I faced one challenge after another , I'll feel very fatigue. It's so hard for me to look at the bright side . It's so hard for me to put things into perspectives. It's so hard for me to be positive. Sometimes , I feel unfair that why do I need to feel like this? Astaghfirullah , forgive me , o Allah.
There's also a time where my bad thoughts creeping in my mind when it comes to late night , I'll be having lots of questions that I'm going to ask myself. I'll be lying down at the corner of my bed , crying alone , searching for the answers.
Why do I even exist? How can I stop blaming myself for all those past mistakes that I did? How do I find peace within myself to move forward and keep living my life? How can I fix things right before I totally lose myself again? Why do I feel those people hate me? Did they truly loved and cherished me? Am I good enough for myself , for them? -- all these questions without answers or sometimes I answered all these on my own really make me feel bad about myself , about everything.
Can you imagine how can I answer all these even when I don't really know the exact answers? Pathetic me , I'm the one that created all these questions and let it haunt me , till the end. *cries
But I forget ,
I'm a human and this is worldly life. I'm the one who going to decorate how my life is. I need to remember that I'm human and I make mistakes. I need to remember that I'm human and I'm allowed to have feelings. I need to remember that I'm human and it's okay to hit the rock bottom , to be at the lowest point of life , to fall again and again. I need to remember that I'm human and if I keep questioning myself with questions that have no answers , I'll never be happy. I need to remember that I'm human and I'm also needed in this world , to make the world a better place to stay. I need to remember that I'm human and I couldn't control everything in my life. I need to remember that I'm human and I need to work hard to make myself happy despite of whatever nuisances that happened in my life. I need to remember that I'm human and I need to accept myself just the way I am. I need to remember that I'm human and I need to love myself and all of my flaws. Regardless of the emptiness and loneliness that I constantly feel , I need to remember that Allah had created me the very best one also Allah already sent me perfect people to just accept , love and cherish me just the way I am. I just need to work on a better me and a better life of mine.
And I know this is part of growing up. As I discover myself every single day , at the end of the day . I know I'll find myself again. I know I'll find my missing pieces again. Just some more bumps along this road that they called life.
Hence , I know why that I need to accept and love myself because who's going to do that if not me myself? Besides , how can I expect people to love me when I couldn't love myself , right?
You're precious , remember that. Don't let other people tell that you're not.
ps: inspired by SitiMunirah. Amazing girl.
A girl who struggling to accept and love herself ,
--FN/2017--
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