Hiatus

hiatus /hʌɪˈeɪtəs/ (noun) : a pause or break in continuity in a sequence or activity.

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I have been longing 'my hiatus' from social medias, lately. Growing up is just plain weird. I used to love social medias so much to the extent I felt that I cannot live without any of my social medias -- be it Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Now? I have a love-hate relationship with social medias. I feel like it kills me slowly. It kills my self-esteem. It kills my head. It kills me inside. Sometimes, I change myself for social medias ; just for people to love me. Just to meet people's expectations. just for people to love  oh- the-fake-me! 

Great. I am really growing up , righto? 

I used to deactivate my social medias. Used to.  Guess what , it didn't last long. After couple of days or a week longer , then I was ready for social medias again! Yay! Never istiqamah , I am -_- #socomplicatedaswell #goodluckfuturehusband. Then , I decided  for a last sudden solution which was I gave my trust to one of my best-friends to hold my social medias for this time being. I asked her to change the password and never tell me until the day I ask to. She holds my personal Instagram (which for me it is too personal and I love) and my Twitter too. Glad that I really can count on her. You know who you are , thank you for coping with my weird-ness. #Ihatemyselforbeingsoweird
 

 Frankly speaking , I feel a lot way better when I don't have my social medias , for this time being. I wanted to deactivate my business-instagram as well and go invisible forever but I cannot do that. No no. I'm a professional girl sometimes , so I need to stay that way. It's a business account so it should stay that way. In addition , I need money :P 

Sometimes , taking a break from social medias could really be a great idea. You will have lots of things to do -- you'll actually stand out with your own reality -- you will look outside more often -- you will not compare your life with others -- you will realise you life is working based on your own pace and time -- you will realise that everyone's life works in different ways -- you'll have more time to read too! -- you'll be less hurting reading all the bad and negatives comments -- you will not read all the weird stuffs that make you feel scared to live your life  and the list goes on. I cannot deny how crucial the social medias nowadays but still -- if you feel like you're not yourself whilst scrolling your Instagram , if you feel like you being too negative when you read all the tweets on the Twitter or if you feel like you want to comment bad things about others on their social medias ; stop for awhile , give yourself a break , take a deep breath and have a walk with your partner or your little sister in the morning.  Communicate with your loved ones often. Find yourself , the real one , back. Social medias could change you , in a way that sometimes you don't realise. 

One thing I want you to know , I used to have so called hiatus back then because I know at that time , they were some people will personal message me and asked "Am I okay?" " Why did you deactivate your Twitter?" " Where have you been?" " What bothers you , let me know" and whatnot and it feels so good to have some people who care and concern. I feel loved. However , I questioned myself --  is that my sole reason why I deactivated my social medias? To grab people's attention? To let people know I'm hurting inside? To feel good because I know someone will care? These made me did a lot of thinking. After that , I realised, if that was just my reason , I am so weak. I was on hiatus just to see whether people still love me or not? What? So weak.

Now , I know , I need to take a break from my social medias not because I want to see whether those people still love and care about me me or not but it is more into self-contentment and self-improvement. Whether I am on my hiatus or not , I know there are some people who are still care. Plus , at the end of the day , the contentment of my heart is what important. 
 

and at the end of the day ; the only person that I have is myself.