perfectly imperfect.

;when someone has strong feelings for you they may tell you that you're "perfectly imperfect" basically saying that they accept your flaws, they like you enough that they see past your insecurities, a way of saying that you're perfect to them -- urban dictionary.



--


Frankly speaking , I don't know what to write. Even though I just consumed my medicine and it gives me a sleepy-effect (it should) yet I still cannot sleep. I don't understand la my body. Makan ubat yang ada unsur mengantuk pun tak mengantuk? #sispening. Due to that , I decided to write that I have no idea.. what to write. What happened to you la Fatin Nadhirah. Ayo.

Okay let's get back to what I want to write.  Thank you Urban Dictionary for this definition. I have been wondering what is the real meaning of this perfectly imperfect which I found it just... gah beautiful. Very.

You guys know what , I have a secret to tell you , pstttt. I have been dealing with this one thing which is on how to accept myself , unconditionally. I swear it is so FREAKING bloody hard. One of the reasons why I keep praising people around me is just because of this ; I am still don't know how to love myself. Whoa. That's a real deal , I know.

will you love me , imperfectly perfect?

Padahal , my body features are alhamdulillah complete. my full face is alhamdulillah complete as well. I can walk , alhamdulillah. I can smile , alhamdulillah (people say I have a very manis smile myself , eh?) I can pose whilst wearing a sorting hat ^ , alhamdulillah. I have no idea why I still cannot love myself and accept myself for who I am. It is one of the struggles that I have been dealing with. It sucks , I tell you. It just sucks. Living with insecurities, feeling like never good enough no matter how many people around me say that "you're doing great, you're always good enough!" -- and I will be like "Am I? Nah , I don't think so" and it goes round and round. People keep praising , and I keep denying. The worst part of dealing with this inner struggle is fear of making mistakes. Fear of being myself. What? Making mistakes is a life process. Why so scared , Fatin Nadhirah?

I don't favor compliments that much but I believe that sometimes it is needed for my soul. I don't really want people to praise me for who I am , for what I'm doing -- but it is sometimes needed for me to keep going with the journey I choose , keep loving myself for who I am and keep doing the things I do and love. However , I sometimes feel like I don't qualify any compliments from people because I know myself more that others do. I am basically just a useless girl , myself. Therefore , I don't deserve any compliments from people because the good things or the impressions about me that people say are not true. I'm useless. #problemsolved #complicatedenough But I'm going to take that as duaa'. Thank you. 

I might think that I know myself more than others. But little do I know , God knows me the best as He is the one who created me. He is the one who knows what I am capable and what I am not. He is the one who knows which journey is the best for me to take. He is the one who knows that I can do it. He is the one who loves me more than I love myself and even He loves me more that my mother does. He sees good in me when I cannot see any good inside me. Why do I forget this all the time? Haih.

Guys,

Even though this inner struggle that I have been dealing with is just so hard for me to cope ( I do cry sometimes because I cannot handle the feeling of me hating myself) but I believe God is always there to help. Every single prayers I make , I will always ask Him to help me to deal with this. To help me to see good in me despite of all the flaws I have. I am human and I make mistakes and I am flawed. I hope I remember this.

I am currently doing a challenge for myself where Aida Azlin promoted it through her Instagram. It is a challenge called #aa7daysnocomplaintchallenge whereby Aida Azlin encourages us , her followers that every time we want to complain , take a deep breath and say Alhamdulillah like..... we really mean it and see how it changes our life in a way that we don't expected. BEAUTIFUL , I can say. Let's try this okay? Every time I want to complain and sigh about my existence , about me being me or other things in my life or even when I feel bad about myself where I know I shouldn't,  I will try my best to say Alhamdulillah.. LET'S DO THIS together, guys. Let's join me.

As God stated in the holy book where "If you're grateful , I will give you more" which we tend to forget about it sometimes. Which I tend to forget almost all the time.

Hence , I hope I will not stop loving myself and always find reasons why should I love myself and I really hope I don't forget that I am human being. I am imperfectly perfect in so many ways. So do you! The utmost part , I hope I won't forget that I have Allah and my small circle that love me , imperfectly perfect. 

To anyone who deals with any inner struggles , I hope you will keep dealing with it.

To anyone who has the same problem like me , I hope you will keep finding reasons why you should love yourself.

To anyone , keep going and guess what?

YOU GOT THIS!

Pray for me , guys.

#dabelchinforlife

One day , I'll heal and  forgive myself and start to love myself , unconditionally.


ps: thank you for loving me on my bad days and on the days when I don't know how to love myself.